Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize