oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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