legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
