If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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