Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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