I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
