dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
