guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
