can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
