We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
