A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize