then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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