He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
