the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
