So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
