You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
