Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
