i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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