another moral hangover. fuck.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
