I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
