Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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