Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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