There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize