I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
