He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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