Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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