I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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