Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
