It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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