Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
