I just made out with a guy for $7.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
