my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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