I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
