I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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