6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
