This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
