why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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