You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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