I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize