I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
