Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he was CRYING into my vagina
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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