i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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