hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
