another moral hangover. fuck.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
