mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
