yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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