Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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