I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
