does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
