if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
