I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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