you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So vagazzling was a success
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
