Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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