I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Life is so much better after having sex.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
