Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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