Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
