I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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