i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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