I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
