We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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