Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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