girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
