I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
