He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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