the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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