how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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